Part II baby momma - I never said no and he never called, and I never asked for a dime.

Although I shared my part in a very difficult break up with my babies dad.  I hadn't shared the fact, that I never asked for a dime of child support.  It was four years before we established paternity. 

I never told him he couldn't see his daughter and I never heard from him despite several attempts to keep him in her life. 

Eventually the child support required to register for social services kicked in, despite the fact I was only on aid for 3 months.  The child support began their process and took four years to catch up to us.  My daughters dad got into a serious relationship with one of the girls he was cheating on me with.  She had her little girl 11 months after my daughter was born. 

The last time he spent time with my daughter as an infant she was three months old.  He was holding her hostage until I would sleep with him.  Literally, "you cannot take the baby until..."

He was in a committed relationship and after managing to get out of the house with the baby, I was informed about the pregnancy and her dads intent to not have contact with him. 

He said, "he couldn't deal with seeing me knowing he couldn't have me and it was going to be okay with his new girlfriend.  He hoped she'd have a little girl so it could help to let go of our daughter.  I really was floored and shocked by his statement.  I am sad to say, it worked out for him and his family.  My daughters sister was born 6 months later. 

Advertising or Bullying - Empathy and why we need privacy

Not Advertising - It is an abuse of technonology

In the 1970's apparently a group of really smart people stopped using people in human research, of course the Lucifer Effect comes to mind.  Some of us may be most familiar with the prisoner project at Stanford.  The Lucifer Effect and Prisoner Project are one in the same.

Interrupting or controlling lives of others isn't just creepy, its a form of bullying and highly unethical.

Going to Far!

Situation #1 Ethical invasion of privacy on social media ads

Advertisements for Dating Services showing up on TV, on Facebook, Youtube, Google or anywhere just after a break up;

• Is it ethical to encourage a person to jump into another relationship within days? 
• Do we want people to jump from one relationship to another without reflecting on the situation? 

Encouraging a person to use tracking applications because two people have other relations, isn't a good reason to send ads about tracking a cheater.

Personally, I'm not thinking of a good reason for any company to take it upon themselves to encourage tracking applications.  

Learn to program Ethical Decision Making and Empathy

Situation #2 Unethical invasion of privacy on social media ads

Ok, Facebook answer the following; 

• Do you think a person who just jumped from one relationship into another should show up on the former partners "suggested friends"
• Does the former partner need to have the new relationship thrown in her face?
• What if she had no idea that was the cause of the abrupt end to the friendship?  
• If that isn't enough to burn and sting, how about the fact that your former partners new girlfriend keeps showing up in the "do you know" these people list.   
• So, what can a girl do?  
• Avoid logging into Facebook for a few days.  
• Okay, you get through day 1 and half way through day 2 you are feeling a bit maroon rather than blue.  
• Suddenly, you scroll through your email and WTF!  
• An email from Facebook, asking if you know him, her and her brother. 

Sure, Facebook says we can block people.  No, you know all the details of my life with your algorithms "learn how to program empathy".

Baby's Momma-A confession from a former controlling partner

Jealousy is unattractive and may turn a faithful partner into a cheater

Speaking from experience; a former controlling partner.

Early in my life, I was the type of woman who wasn't going to be cheated on.  I was on my partners every move and made him totally miserable.

He was an easy going kind of person and he truly loved me, in fact he still does to this very day.   Looking back, sure he took the easy way out.  Although, I pushed him to another woman.

Some may argue that I'm letting him off too easily.  He was put through the ringer and if you know me, having a conversation with me on defense is like dealing with a high power attorney against you.

I made a very easy going man, who worked hard to give me anything I wanted into a man who was afraid to walk in the door.  I sat home all day, letting the lesson's I was taught by my aunts who were the hardest women to love.

His family was very traditional, he was the youngest of fourteen and his parents never separated.  Strong Catholic family with old fashioned ideals about a woman and their youngest child.  It was bad enough, I was pregnant and refused to marry him.  I wasn't going to marry a man who I felt was cheating.

We lasted five months, I moved out and his parents sent him far away to live with his oldest brother.  A condition, for him, was he was to have no contact with me until I had the baby and they could be certain he was the father.   I never forgave him, he didn't get off easy.  But, I am woman enough to accept and share my part in the situation.  

Our relationship ended, sure its kind of comforting knowing he still loves me unconditionally.  But, our only daughter was the one who lost out by her mom, not knowing better.   

Ending a friendship; without any further contact

the "as painful as possible breakup..."

Any break up can be tough, some of us (both men and women) have different ways of showing our feelings after a sudden breakup.

When one party ends the friendship without warning and in  way that makes the other person feel they did something wrong, they are likely to be a type of abuser who likes to leave a door open.

They have perfected the center of attention and honeymoon phase of a relationship, adding just enough to keep you wanting more.  Even if you wanted to end it the day prior.

Mr. Wrong by Mary J Blige and Drake

Dear Mr. Wrong,

Early indications suggested you planned on moving from our friendship; into something without much contact and intended to do this the hard way.

Pay my mom and I'll be happy for you.  

ECPA Data at Rest and In Transport - No way to enforce law

Scenario One 

A women text a man she had a friendship with and it has ended abruptly.  He has a girlfriend, he now lives with.  

• The former friend has a problem and needs the headset he accidentally broke and text him to see if he plans to replace them.  
• The person text has his phone in his possession and the girlfriend is not near.  

Between 3:14 PM and 4:52 PM; a series of messages are exchanged.
The person intended or understood to be responding was the not the person with the phone in their possession.

An application or possession of the phone, by others allows the exchange violating both persons right to privacy and impersonation.    

 

An unknown person enters into a text exchange with two people, the person on the left knows the woman doing the impersonation

Apparently, the new girlfriend has a spy app and despite they are just starting their new relationship is looking for a way out.

The old friend suddenly realizes the exchange is not like the person she knows. 

Suddenly, the intended person realizes what's happened but he has his phone and she's not around.

Scenario Two

A few hours later, it shift from the target person, now impersonating the sender on the original thread. 

Neither the sender, nor the target have authorized anyone to spy on their communications.  The problem, the person spying has most likely paid to have an a way to invade both persons privacy despite the National laws.  Certainly, neither has granted anyone the right to impersonate them. 

You are into him, but he's not into you.

You are into him, but he's not into you. If you haven't read the book, "he's just not into you" go buy it!

A Friendship
Not a relationship, if any suggestion of it being a relationship - it is over. 
The type where an open relationship, isn't even an option.

But the sex, that's typically not part of friendships in my book.  That's an open sexual relationship. 
Friends with benefits-okay, if we stretch the definition to a different generation. 

That has to be a very conflicting type of sex fling.  The type where the man is taking advantage of his ability to make a woman feel good.

Yes, both are grown ups and it isn't a crime.  Put me in jail if it is, because its really good, until he leaves. 

• Why?  He borrowed your car and for some reason, you cannot say no to anything when he ask. 
• Why? He keeps leaving his clothes and you keep washing them.  
• Why? He loves the way you cook.  You cook for him often.  
• Why? He comes by daily.  

You are on Cloud 9, because I mentioned the sex is really good.
You aren't looking for more, he's covering the things you need.
You understand his desire to not be committed to anyone.
You hear from others that you are the one they hear about and know he considers his 1st choice.

Suddenly, out of no where.  He's going to bring his lady to drop off something about the car he borrowed.  He doesn't want you to blow it for him, with the new girl.

What?  

When this type suddenly ends, its gonna burn and he lit the flame. 

Friends, a non-exclusive relationship, another woman or its just a sex thing

Single, means non-exclusive or free to date whomever.  

 Friends with benefits
A non-exclusive relationship
Single and loving it!
or
An open relationship

As a single person and specifically a single female, it isn't easy to manage the types of friendships we may experience in the early stages of the being single.   Just Friends to me, typically means without any sexual interactions.  Not to some people.  I've been there in the past, after a domestic violence situation where my former partner swore he'd kill me and anyone I ever tried to date.  I didn't even consider dating for almost a year.  When I did, me and the person agreed we wouldn't even talk by phone and he didn't have my number nor did I have his.  

We saw each other often at a local sports complex, where we both played softball.  In fact, we saw each other and didn't even wave or say hello.  If it was Friday, I had a babysitter and we met for an hour or two and he went home.  We never went out for drinks, no movie, no conversations about our jobs and it was pretty convenient for that time in my life.  

We had a great arrangement.